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Okay, this is a little late for Talk Like a Pirate Day...
... but I only just discovered it:
My pirate name is:
Dirty Mary Flint
You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!