So, after ripping out the 198 yds of dubious Heaven, untangling the yarn, skeining it on the niddy-noddy, taking it off because it was wound cock-eyed, de-tangling it again, re-skeining it, and setting it to soak, I re-examined the pattern in the cold, sober light of dawn, comparing written instructions, charted instructions, and photographs...
Oh, #*&#*!!! On an entirely separate page from the chart, it says that the entire chart -- which divided up so that it looks like right-hand edge, repeated stitches, left-hand edge, and waaaaay out on the far side of the chart, the center stitches -- is all the right-hand side of the chart!
::headdesk headdesk headdesk::
Now I'm having an even worse time trying to reconcile the chart with the written directions, which are about to be consigned to the shredder anyway. It probably does scan but I've run out of patience trying to follow both because the way they're written requires a entirely different mode of thinking from the charted bit.
And the written bit still doesn't say, "Here's the center stitch, dum-dum. This is the center stitch right here."
Garter stitch squares, anyone? That's about all I feel capable of this morning. I may be bouncing around in a padded cell before this is done.