I'm laughing AND want to slap him hard, at the same time. Honestly, I know a three-year-old who can do better than this, and is a lot cuter, but not quite as hilarious.
"Just use some tape. Some people say, you know, that's cheating, but I say, shut up. Because tape is like knitting for everybody."
"Now, if you you don't want to make a scarf, you can make a snake blanket. Because a snake blanket... is just a scarf."
"Sometimes you'll see people knitting in the subway, or in coffee houses, and... they're just jerks. Because they like to knit in front of people and brag they can do it."
All right, to be fair, we're always saying in my knitting group that whatever knitting method gets you the results you want, whether it's English or Continental or the Norwegian purl or whatever, is the right method. So Dan, my boy, if this gets you the results you want, carry on. Maybe you'd like to bring your project to my knitting group so that you can brag, too.